Sunday, February 1, 2009

Looking back

4 weeks.
One month.
6lbs 14oz 21 inches.
Jeremiah Parker Shelby

Yesterday was a hard day for me, I was very restless. I did not want to talk with anyone but I also did not really want to be alone.
I finally just let myself cry. (about 10 pm) Big tears.
Asking God Why, Why My son. Why only 71 minutes, Why my family .... I cried for about 1 hour, then went to bed and fell asleep.
I think I just needed a good cry.
There are no answers to my questions and I do not expect to have any - but to let them out was a release. (As it is to share today)

This morning in my reading I was in the story of Lot, specifically when God was preparing to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot was extended a warning and was able to flee with his family. All made it out, but them Lot's wife looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:22-29) Stormie provided a specific prayer:
Dear Lord, walk with me to where you are leading me; help me to not keep looking back to the past so that I become paralyzed by it.

The key for me, is not to become paralyzed by the past. This can be true when dealing with loss as well as dealing with letting go of past sin. God is leading us all to his promises and we can not let our past keep us from the promised land. We can build on those experiences and learn - but not be stopped in our tracks. Satan would like us to become paralyzed by our circumstance. With Gods help, strength and His kingdom ... we press on.

So yes, I know and admit to the sadness and aching in my heart - but I continue to pray that God will use me and my experiences for the kingdom.




Thank you for your honesty, Beth. It's a good reminder for us to keep lifting your family in prayer as God brings healing.

Alicia Burdick said...

Your words/lessons help me on so many levels, Beth. Thank you so much for sharing.