Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Deep Sigh ...

The video we taped 2 weeks ago aired this past weekend as part of the message on Fairness. Quite a different feeling when you know that 3000 people are going to watch/listen to your story on the large screen.
On my way to the service, my palms were sweaty and I seriously thought about skipping the entire service. Then that still small voice reminds me that IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!

Watching the video in the sanctuary surrounded by the 4:30 service attendees - was a little strange. We noticed the people around us realize WE were the couple on the screen. I cried, again, and heard the sniffles around. The video techies at Northview put together an awesome video. The editing - using the footage, images, and audio to create a comprehensive 5 minutes that told our story. It was all done in a professional manner and we could not be more pleased. The message Pastor Steve delivered was strong and serious. If you are interested .... it is on line www.nvcl.org - click Reset week 2.

There is a clear sense of relief since taping and viewing the video. I never would have imagined that re-opening the wound of loss and grief could actually provide a new layer of healing. I feel like I have emerged with new eyes ... new feelings of passion for projects I am working on.

Quick recap ... in the past 2 weeks Aaron and I shared our pregnancy journey 3 times. Weopened up raw wounds and now they are healing again. This time we both have a greater sense of each other - it is not our personal experience, but our shared experience. We loved talking and sharing because we did it together.

i am changing gears ...
CRUSIE NOTES : we have our new passports, we recently got information about what to pack ... we are 3 weeks from heading half way around the world.
the biggest factor in packing is the climate, low 64 - high 80 ... And evening wear: We have 2 dinners that require aaron to wear a suit and tie and for me a dress ... the other nights are Country Club Casual ... I will be researching that.

Thank you for continued Prayer ....

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Lord is SO good

He is so good, what an awesome protector our Lord and Saviour is! WOW.

Thursday Aaron and I talked to a group of Nurses, Chaplains and Social Workers that have chosen to continue their education. The conference was specifically for those involved with infant loss. There were 3 families that shared stories about 4 babies, yes an adorable set of twin boys. All three different and heartbreaking.
Sharing our journey with Jeremy, we told the story of Prenatal Hospice. The other two families experenced unexpected losses. (not that any loss is expected - but with the diagnosis of T13 we had a "heads up") Sharing was not as exhausting as the video for church. I am thankful we had the opportunity to share in depth 2 times our journey - both very different settings but both with the opportunity to serve the Lord. To help serve the kingdom. Because of Jeremy, Aaron and I have the opportunity to share the Glory of the Lord on multiple levels.
It is so cool. What a way to light a fire!
Hard to imagine while going through the tough time how the Lord will choose to use you and your story to impact others. He is so good. Only through HIS strength were we able to share with others .... His LOVE for us is truly amazing! Praise the Lord for his Goodness!


Tuesday, September 22, 2009


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13

When we TRUST ... God will fill us with all joy and peace. He desire is for us to overflow with his hope, peace, love joy, all by the power of HIS spirit ...

When we praise Him, He fills us.
Through our praises we offer our trust in Him.

from God Calling:
Jesus, our Lord, we Thee adore.
Sing unto Me from a glad heart. Sing and praise My Holy Name. Praise is man's joy-tribute to Me, and as you praise, thrills of Joy surge through your being, and you learn something of the Joy of the Heavenly Host.

This Thursday Aaron and I will sit on a parent panel for the Perinatal Loss Bereavement Conference ... we will be sharing our journey from pregnancy, ultra-sounds, diagnosis, birth, death and our time once we returned home. The panel will help the specialist with future couples facing similar situations ...
While the sharing of our story is exhausting and difficult, I offer Praise to the Lord that our story will help others. I know that we are not the first and we will not be the last family to face similar diagnosis, loss and life changing event.
Therefore, I am certain that we are supposed to share - the Lord will carry us. He ALWAYS does. PRAISE THE LORD!


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Aaron and I taped an interview for the Reset church spiritual growth study Northview starts this weekend... We shared out journey with Jeremy. It was much more exhusting then I ever imagined.
Thank you for contiued prayers. Next week Aaron and I will speak on a parent panel- please pray for Gods glory to shine.

grace and peace!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


the Lord is good ... thank you all for the well wishes regarding the trip, it still does not seem real. and i am sure the entire time it will be dream like. i am humbled. thankfully aaron has been teaching me how to be open to receiving blessings. it is a pride thing for me - i would much rather give then receive. we are called to do both. i forget that - often.

aaron maintains a posture of praise through every thing - this word from joel is a great reminder of aaron ... to me! :)
Praise Precedes the Victory

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE"…Joshua said to the people: 'Shout, for the LORD has given you the city!'…And it happened when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat"(Joshua 6:16 & 20, NKJ)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria One of my favorite passages in the Bible is when Joshua and the Israelites took over the city of Jericho. Jericho had a massive wall built around the city that no army could penetrate. But that didn't stop God from giving them the victory. He simply commanded the Israelites to march around the city in silence for six days, and on the seventh day they were to give a shout of praise.

It's interesting that they had to shout before the walls came down. It seems more natural to shout and be happy after the victory, after the walls have fallen. But no, that doesn't take any faith. We can all sing and give God praise when we're on the mountaintop. But God wants us to learn to give Him praise when we're in the valley.

If you are facing difficulty today, if there seems to be massive walls standing in the way of your breakthrough, remember, praise precedes the victory. Why don't you do like the Israelites and give a shout of praise anyway. Stand and believe that God is at work even if you don't see it. Before long, those walls will come down, and you'll move forward into the victory He has prepared for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY "Father in heaven, thank You for Your promise of victory. I choose to stand in faith, giving You the praise until I see my breakthrough. Thank You for strengthening me and directing my every step. In Jesus' Name. Amen."

Today is a big day, we will host a church at Brookside that is VERY interested in partnering with Northview to support Brookside - this is HUGE! Please pray for the leaders, humble each to hear the voice of the Lord.

Additionally, the end of the week Aaron and I will be sharing our journey with Jeremy for the 1st of 3 times ... please pray for wisdom, grace and that our speaking will bring GLORY to Our Father!


Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I am completely humbled with this most recent blessing. And very much still in SHOCK!

Sunday night a friend called to see what Aaron and I had planned for October 22 - October 30th ... looking at the calendar, just typical weekly stuff. Then she asked, how would you like to go on an all expense paid Mediterranean Cruise .... in complete shock and awe I said I need to talk with Aaron. The catch, she would need to know Monday the 14th to get our names on the list.

I am sure you are now wondering, how does she have a cruise to "give away". In short, her father was given this vacation and the family decided to select a couple to bless. They thought of Aaron and I.

So yesterday, Aaron and I found our passports ... both needed to be updated. I got mine in 2004 when Suzi and I went to Paris, Florence, Rome and Venice - my name needed to be changed. Aaron's expired in 1999! We sent them out yesterday and we should have them back in 10-14 days. WOW!!!

So now the research begins ...
we will fly into Athens, board the ship then on to:
Santorini, Greece
Kusasasi, Turkey (Ephesis)
Bodrum, Turkey
Rhodes, Greece (Colossus)
Mykonos, Greece
Istanbul, Turkey ... fly home from Istanbul

Never did we imagine or even consider this type of adventure - what an amazing blessing!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

blessings abound!

What a Wednesday!
the Lord is Good .... and how exciting when you get to SEE Him show up!

Wednesday nights at Brookside are busy times. The men's and women's studies meet every Wednesday night (7-8:30). This summer we had an amazing couple from Child Evangelism Fellowship come in and started "The Good News Club" They shared the gospel and Gods love for the kids of the adults attending the studies. Age ranges 14 mo - 14 years, 5-10 kids. It was truly God who allowed for such an age range of kids to sit in a room, sing songs and learn about Jesus.
WELL, the couple left in Mid August for a Mission to the Middle East ... Praise the Lord - they are going to do some awesome work ... BUT the Kids continue to come on Wednesday.
YIKES for me ...
BUT GOD ....(I love that) provided needed help last night.
A Life Group from Northview that typically meets on Wednesday came down to serve. This group of 7 (there are 8, but one husband could not make it) with no hesitation came to Brookside Church and "played" with the Wednesday Night Kids.
I was so blessed to watch a small group play SORRY, a 5th grader get help on her homework, another small group reading, the 3 babies in the nursery having a grand time ... then the crew moved to the gym. Kids RUNNING full speed, laughing, jumping, playing four square, basketball, volleyball ... it was so cool.
My prayer is we will be able to find other groups that will be open to coming down to just love the Kids. Demonstrating the Love Jesus has for each of us - pouring out.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tending the Field

From God Calling: Remember your great field of labor is yourself. That is your first task, the weeding, the planting, digging, pruning, bearing fruit. When that is done I lead you out into other fields.

This is a hard lesson for me ... I would much rather help tend someone else's field. I would rather help anyone work through a tough situation, talk about solutions, organize a project ... to avoid myself. OF COURSE I WOULD!!! But God has some work to do in me ... am I willing. Yes I am. What is that going to look like - I have no clue. All I know is the end result will glorify God. In that I can trust.

One of my favorite scriptures was part of my reading today, it is one that I love - but honestly can not find when I try to look - it seems to pop up just in time .... I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Comfort in the word - nothing quite like it.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Labor Day

Today is Labor Day ... this is the first time in many many years that I am not in the gym preparing for a volleyball match (as a coach or player) I am not really clear on what to do ... do I sit and do nothing or do some hard labor in my yard? I suppose the weather will be the determining factor for me.

Regardless ... I felt lead to share my reading today
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."John 15:7-8

God says that if we REMAIN in Him and let His words REMAIN in us, we can ask Him whatever we want and He will answer. REALLY, well yes ... sorta. We do not always get exactly what we think we want, it means that because we are entwined with Christ - we receive His mind and learn how to pray for what He desires for us.
The second part of the scripture talks about the Fathers glory ... it is in His glory that we bear much fruit. As we bear fruit, we display or show that we are His disciples.

I have been carrying around a pad of paper, in preparation for a talk that I will be giving. While I am quite intimidated at the nature of the talk, I am certain that I am not the focus. The focus of the talk is Our Father. So even though I say it is not about me ... it is remarkable as I jot down thoughts and ideas how easy it is to bring the focus to me. My focus is to use whatever parts of my story that bring Glory to God, I pray for clarity and discernment. Remaining in HIM!

Have a blessed Labor Day!


Thursday, September 3, 2009


I have been given an new opportunity to share my journey. I am finding that when you are open to share the Glory of God and how He moves in your life there is no shortage of opportunities. I am not even seeking them ... but God is seeking me. I have known for the past year that the Lord was going to use my son's life for a kingdom purpose.
Until recently, I have been able to move in small ways - now it appears that the Lord has other plans, bigger then me. Lord, I am willing - I trust YOU LORD.

Put Your Faith into Action

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE "No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God"(Romans 4:20, AMP)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria Do you know how powerful praise is? Praise is putting your faith into action. Just as putting your physical body into action makes it grow stronger, putting your faith into action through prayer and thanksgiving will cause it to grow strong, too! I love what this verse says about Abraham: No unbelief made him waver regarding the promise of God. To waver actually means to go back and forth. It's a very unsteady posture. Spiritual wavering is when we go back and forth in believing the promises of God. Spiritual wavering shows up in our words and actions. When you speak contrary to God's promises, you are wavering and unsteady. Notice this verse didn't say that Abraham never had unbelief or doubting thoughts. It says that he didn't waiver–he didn't allow his words or actions to go against God no matter what he was thinking. He took captive every thought and stood strong through His praise and worship! See, praise makes you stable. It makes you strong. It's hard to be negative when you are singing a song of praise to Him. Decide today to stand strong in worship. Put your faith into action with your words and watch what God will do on your behalf!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY "Heavenly Father, today I choose to bless Your name. I thank You for life. I thank You for breath. I thank You for provision, healing, strength, and joy. I praise You for abundantly supplying all my needs so that I can be a blessing to others. In Jesus' Name. Amen."