From my journal today:
I feel left out, left behind. Out of the loop.
So many friends with stories of births and pregnancy surround me. I am truly joyful for each one - many long awaited answer to prayers, which is awesome. But on a level inside I feel so alone and left out. I want to be in on the stories and have more to share. I long to share about a second pregnancy for our Family. Some days I struggle trusting this plan the Lord has for me.
From Stormie, today:
Passing the Test (I pulled out the parts that touched me)
The most miserable times in my life as a believer have been during what I see now were periods of testing. And they came just before the most significant breakthrough of God's light. The good news is that the mores challenging the test, the more monumental the reward waiting for us on the other side of it - IF we react to it in the right way.
We are often put to our most difficult test just before the greatest work of God in our lives is about to be accomplished.
The Bibles story of Job is important because the magnitude of Job's suffering in his time of testing is unimaginable. It is the worst case scenario. He lost everything, including his children, and his health. Although he suffered agony, he never doubted or turned against God. His reward for faithfulness was that "the Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more then the first"(Job 42:12)
God decides the time, place, and manner of testing. No matter what the test entails, God wants us to have unflinching faith in the midst of it, just like Job had.
The only way God can lead you to where you 've never been , and you can't get there without Him, is to call you to a new place in your life that requires more purity of heart, more faith, and more obedience than you've ever known. Ask Him to help you pass any test necessary in order to receive all He has for you.
LORD, be with me and in me. I am not strong enough to go through this test and this season without you. Fill me Lord will your Spirit. I need your strength in this process and I look forward expectantly to the other side of this test. I look forward to the great reward. Lord, create in me a heart that is full of your desire - make my will, your will. Continue to Strengthen me Lord.
GRACE AND PEACE!