Tuesday, August 26, 2008

This morning is a struggle

Not clear this morning if I am just tired, hormonal or discouraged. But today has not started off as a typical morning., and right now is it not even 6:30 am. Woke up early, about 3am, and laid in bed talking with God - but continued to feel restless.
Again my mind wonders. I think about Jeremy all the time, most of the time imagining his life and all my hopes and dreams for him. What gets hard, the number of people at school who do not know the trial Aaron and I are facing and expect a strong healthily athletic boy - the product of 2 D1 athletes. I feel so inadequate.
In my inadequacy the only place I can turn is to the Word - a humbling of the heart for God to fill me up - and I need to be filled today. I have started to write scriptures from my daily reading on note cards to carry with me through the day - I have about 25 already. Sometimes they make me feel better - other times I just cry. Today is a crying day.
What I wrote today and will keep close
'This is the word of the Lord ... " Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," Says the Lord Almighty. '
Zechariah 4:6

Today I pray for the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up, comfort me and protect my mind and heart as I press on.

I just checked my email - to see what Joel sent .... again, direct to my heart:

Pray God’s Promises
Today's Scripture
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (I John 5:14 NIV).
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Are you believing for God to do something specific in your life today? Do you need a miracle in your health, finances, or relationships? When you pray God’s promises found in His Word, you can be confident that He hears your prayers. The scripture tells us that there is power when two are in agreement, and no matter what you may be facing, you and God are a majority. Find the specific scriptures that address what you are believing for and write them on note cards. Study those scriptures and make those promises your prayers. If you need healing, you can pray, “Father, You said in Isaiah 53 that by Your stripes I am healed.” If you need provision for something, you can pray, “Father, thank You for Your promise to provide all my needs according to Your riches in glory.” Whatever you may need today, the most powerful thing you can do is to pray and declare God’s promises. As you do, you will see Him move on your behalf, and you’ll live the life of victory He has in store for you.
A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, thank You for Your promises. I know You are faithful to Your Word, and I choose to come into agreement with Your promises. Fill me with Your confidence as I declare Your Word. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

I will continue to lean on the promises of God, and ALL IS WELL!
the Spirit of God is in me - and if God is with me - who dares be against me!
- thank you for allowing me to share ....



Sheri said...

Laura sent me your blog address...I think your scripture for the day is perfect. I think about you often - I offered up my workout yesterday for your family. I know it is hard, but stay positive and stay strong. You are going to have a very special little boy who is going to affect a lot of lives whether you know it or not. Love and dimes!

Jenni said...

Beth - I think about you every day and pray for you often. I love how your using your blog to share your journey... whether you realize it or not, this is part of your ministry. Your blogging has totally blessed me and I know it blesses others who read it. While your issue is certainly your own, your pain and struggle and humanity is something anyone who's longed for a child (or hurt emotionally in any way, for that matter) can relate with. I admire your willingness to open up to others. I'm praying for your feelings of isolation this week! Love ya!

The Amsler Family said...

i hope you found some peace today. none of us can ever understand the trials that lie in our path, but know that you are not alone. and god loves you, he cares for you and wants to give you that joy. Focus on what you can do and that is love jeremy, and love God. You are ding a great job at that. I love you