Monday, January 10, 2011

another bump

i hit another life bump.

i have been dreaming about writing a post to announce a pregnancy for 2 years
- but instead we hit a bump last week at our 9w5d appointment.

When I called the DR on November 30th, to schedule an appointment following a positive home pregnancy test ... the earliest date to see my doc was January 4th, which put us at 9 weeks and Jeremy's birthday - I thought, fantastic, what a great way to celebrate a special day.
Aaron and I shared only with our family ... waiting until the new year to share with the world.

When the 4th arrived, Aaron and I were anxious to hear the heartbeat and possibly have an ultrasound. Well, we had the ultrasound ... and that is when we saw evidence that our baby had stopped growing at 6w4d. My body was confused and continued to produce the pregnancy hormone and I continued to have all the typical symptoms associated with pregnancy.
We returned to the DR on Friday, nothing had changed, it is considered a "missed abortion" and had a D&C that afternoon.

This was not at all how I had expected 2011 to begin, with this mix of emotions i have found myself in a weak place - and in this place there is only one direction to turn ... the WORD.
from Encouragement for Today:

Let me breathe a little life into your weakness today. Whatever it is, however large it may loom: "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26). We don't have to have all the answers. We don't have to make suggestions to God. It's okay to be so tired of our weak places that we run out of words to pray. Look at the beautiful verses written to us girls Jesus tucked in around Romans 8:26 about weak places... "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit" (Romans 8:9a). "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31b). "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (Romans 8:37). Maybe we need to sit still for just a moment or two today. Quietly sit without the weight of condemnation or the swirl of trying to figure things out. Quiet, with nothing but the absolute assurance the Spirit helps us in our weakness. He understands our weak places. He knows what to pray. There is a purpose to this weakness. Though it doesn't feel good, things will be worked out in a way that good will come from it (Romans 8:28). In that quiet stillness while the Spirit prays for us and we just simply soak in truth, there will be a flicker of light. A slight trickle of hope. A grace so unimaginable, we'll feel His power overshadowing our weakness.

So while i work through this new bump in life, I will keep my eyes fixed on HIM, moving forward. knowing that I am NOT alone ... I am so thankful for family, friends and a fantastic LifeGroup ... once again we get to travel this road together. Just another bump ... I know that the Lord has a family for Aaron and I, in HIS time, in HIS way.



starfitch said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in His words.

Kristin said...

oh, Beth, I had no idea. I am so sorry.

Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Becky said...

Melissa Doll gave me your blog to read when I was going through a difficult time last year. I've been reading it and being encouraged by you ever since.
I am so sad to hear of your loss. This is devastating. I had the same thing happen to me at 10 weeks.
The positives are that 1)everything works and... 2)God is in control.

It is so hard.. My prayer are with you.

Traci V said...

Love, hugs and tons of prayers. We love you guys. In His time, His way! easier to say than live but we must believe and have faith.

MJH said...

Beth, my dear friend, words cannot express other than you know I totally understand your experience. My prayers are with you and Aaron....